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Denial and Lying

Alex started working with hybrid in the beta phase of the Shape UP Challenge. Read on to find out about her high and lows, Denial & lies and eventual self acceptance and positive body image.

‘I just don’t understand...surely I should be much smaller than this?’

I told myself....again. This had become my daily ritual. Standing in front of the mirror, turning to the side and breathing in, then turning back to the front and pinching the roll of fat sitting on top of my jeans (that I swear are shrinking in the wash)

I was confused. Why am I putting on weight? I walk EVERYWHERE, I eat healthy, I eat sushi for goodness sake it’s just fish and rice right?

Its July 2017 and I was searching for a reason, an excuse for why I wasn’t the size I wanted to be, why I didn’t feel good in my own skin, why I felt fed up, hungry and tired all the time. ‘it must be medical’ I thought - sure enough I even had blood tests done to check it wasn’t something else. I didn’t know it at the time but I was in COMPLETE DENIAL. The real reason was staring back at me in the mirror.


True - I walked......for about 10 minutes at a slow pace to work and then I got a taxi everywhere else and sat on my backside all day at a desk.

True - I ate sushi.......but not until I had gone to Starbucks for my grande caramel macchiato with cream, followed by a Greggs chicken bake and chicken tikka baguette to take into the office. THEN I would go get sushi - a large box of chicken katsu curry. Well let’s be honest I was having breakfast, lunch and dinner at work - yeah sure Alex, just ignore the full dinner you are going to have when you get home.

And if anyone mentions the gym or going for a run I will happily punch you in the face. It ain’t happening.

What was the turning point? When I got so depressed that I had to quit my job and live back at home.

I felt like crap. But as it would turn out it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

My mum has worked with Nigel for years and after 3 weeks of her asking me if I would like to come along to the group with her (and me declining) I finally got in the car one morning to see what the fuss was about.

It became quite obvious that I was out of shape, I was sweating, my chest hurt and trying to hold myself up felt like a tonne weight. But then something strange happened - I actually enjoyed it.

I was expecting treadmills and someone yelling at me to drop and give them 20 - instead I was having a laugh and jumping around on a TRX machine. Wait was

I spoke to Nigel honestly about what I wanted to achieve, I wanted to lose body fat, tone up and feel healthier. He gave me a goal and I knew I had a full support system in place. Both at home and at Hybrid.

I’m not going to lie - it wasn’t always easy, there were mornings where I would dream about throwing a kettlebell at someone’s head, swear and just give up. But at the end of the session I would always feel better for doing it.

I didn’t know it at the time but that was the start of a journey which would not only help me lose 3 stone and go down 3 dress sizes, but has set me on a healthier and happier life.

A year ago I was my own worst enemy. Lying to myself because that was easier to do - being honest and admitting that you just can’t be bothered or that you’re the reason you have not reached your goal is far more difficult. Put simply - I had given up on myself.

The two pictures show a physical difference in size, but the difference I am most proud of is the one in my mind.

It’s night and day - the support and expertise from Nigel has changed my life. And yes it sounds cheesy but it’s true.

Thank you for your advice, kindness, and patience but most of all thank you for believing in me when I had lost belief in myself.

I’m still on my weight loss journey, eating healthily (no Greggs or macchiatos this time) don’t get me wrong I still eat sushi now and again. I’m also hoping to do the three peaks challenge and great north run in 2019 which I never dreamt would be a goal I’m actually excited about!

If you have an image in your mind of how you want to feel or look, or a goal you would like to achieve, you are more than capable of doing it.

The first step is accepting no one is going to do it for you. You CAN do it. But you have to WANT to do it.

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